What we can do if our rivals finish above Arsenal and goodbye, Sir Alex…

Arsene couldn’t get enough of Three 6 Mafia…

Afternoon boys and girls.

Tonight represents a D-Day of sorts. Arsenal don’t travel or entertain this evening, but our future certainly hangs in the balance. Chelsea vs Spurs at Stamford Bridge is a crucial fixture for us.

Like you guys, I’m hardly pleased with having to hope for a Chelsea victory. It’s not exactly ideal, is it? For some time, I’ve considered myself the type of supporter unconcerned with the fortunes of others, and feel uncomfortable waiting on favourable outcomes elsewhere.

But that’s the situation we find ourselves in, and hoping for Chelsea to win, regardless of how abhorrent such a thing may be, is precisely what I’ll be doing. Should Spurs come away with a victory, our prospects for the Champions League begin to look very bleak indeed. They will certainly be in the driving seat should that occur.

Our remaining home game against Wigan is one I’d expect us to win, but the final fixture away at Newcastle is a tricky one – even more so if they’re still battling relegation. There is much to play for despite such little time remaining, and I thought I’d use today’s post to prepare us for the worst-case scenario: Spurs finishing above Arsenal. Here are a few things we could/should do:

  • Start declaring the Europa League to be a decent competition we could actually win. The Champions League isn’t all it’s cracked-up to be…
  • Remember that 15 years of dominance won’t be changed by a few points here and there.
  • Repeatedly say the numbers ‘5’ and ‘2’ in the face of any Spurs fan until blue in the face.
  • Rest assured Gareth Bale is not the second coming of Jesus, and he’ll be enjoying the sunnier climes of Spain next season.
  • Use phrases like “team rebuilding” or “transitional period”
  • Hope to all things holy the board don’t see fit to sell any of our best players to balance the books and recoup money we’ll have lost not appearing in the Champions League
  • As a last resort, build and inhabit an impenetrable bunker away from civilisation and don’t leave until the start of the 2013/2014 season.

So, I’m just going to say it, good luck tonight, Chelsea…


Dear Lord, I feel filthy to the core having written that. I’m not sure I can even look at it. As I’m working tonight, I shall be glued to the latest scores hoping for things to end swiftly and with the outcome we desire. Then I’m going to bathe myself in bleach until I feel clean – which may take a great deal of time, and result in me resembling the appearance of the fellow at the end of Danny Boyle’s Sunshine.

Lastly today, I feel I couldn’t go with out mentioning the pickled Scotsman we all love to hate, Sir Alex Ferguson. Today, he announced his intention to retire from football during the summer. I can’t say I’ve ever been the man’s biggest fan, but I think it’s impossible for any supporter to not respect his accomplishments. Our rivalry with United was, at one point, truly fierce and I miss those times when the battles meant something.

English football won’t be the same once it’s missing that saggy-faced, cantankerous old sod furiously chewing gum and demanding the officials add on a further 7 minutes of injury time. I just hope Robin van Persie doesn’t miss him too much…

That’s all for today, folks. The comments await a few of your thoughts. How do you feel about tonight’s big derby game? Are you happy to see Ferguson step down? Let me know.

As always; thanks for reading, you beautiful bastards.

5 thoughts on “What we can do if our rivals finish above Arsenal and goodbye, Sir Alex…”

  1. I feel terrible about tonight’s game, mainly because I sat through 170 minutes of Chelsea and Spurs spurning chances until both made it not worth the bother. I have a feeling Bale will do it again today as well…

    As far as SAF goes, it’ll be odd not seeing him next season. But from a footballing perspective, it might take that extra competetive edge out of United (hopefully).

  2. As a Gooner, i have to say goodbye Alex, sad your last match againts Chelsea really a poor game, your formation showed that you are not longer in the game anymore, but thank you for what you’ve done in EPL 🙂

  3. Very good written artical! Enjoyable! I do not hope Chelsea win, but for out fault its the best. We can always hope that they play a draw and that they loses the next games, but the fact is that they probably would win their next games! All in all, we must win the rest of the games, and Spurs must loose if CL shoppa be possible for us!! Once again, good written! Moved reading it!

  4. A lovely artical u ve written……but i must confess i ve a very heavy heart as i read it.i ve never been this heavy at heart as today.today will mean a lot for us (arsenal fans) should Chelsea win.but, if the reverse is the case, then,the oneness we ve as arsenal fans will see us through the other games!!!!!sincerely speaking i would prefer a still mate in tonight’s game.once more i appreciate ur write up….(for fergie lets wait till summer.)

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